By John W. Desiree
My mind spins like the blades of a fan caught in a whirlpool. When I’m alone, there are only two currents to sort through and resist, two lines of water and energy which blast, froth and boil through my brain. One I recognize as individuality, originality, the power and outward reach of the self, but the other is different, wider– the words and experiences of others as they have leaked into the ocean of the self.
But when I’m with someone, when we touch and I have bonded, a third stream rushes into my mind, one I am never prepared for, one which surges with all the currents of that person’s doubts and fears, that person’s love, the things that make them smile. It is this third current which upsets the balance, leaves my mind spinning off-kilter endlessly. I oscillate between happiness and pain, belief and doubt, chasing my own tail in an effort to understand whether these feelings are really mine.
Or if they are someone else's.
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I’m the kind of guy you can feel safe bringing home to momma, but only because I keep my freaky inside. It’s just for you.
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